So for the past few weeks I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out what to blog about for my special 100th blog post. I thought about doing a questionnaire or interviewing a favorite blog author (any thoughts on that? Because I still might do them.) but nothing seemed good for this occasion. Well, the other day at my youth group they were announcing that the church would be doing baptisms soon and they said how its good to remember how you came to know Christ. That got me thinking.
See, we need to remember and reflect on how we came to know our First Love. It helps us stay connected with God and helps us to rekindle that fire for Him. So today, for my 100th blog post celebration, I want to tell you the story of how I came to know Jesus as my Savior.
I grew up in a Christian home. We went to church every Sunday, had AWANA on Thursday, and Bible studies on Thursday. So we were very active in our church. Now, being homeschooled meant that church was my whole social life. I went to church to be with my friends, I wasn't really too into God. I remember one specific day when I was really young when my brother and his friend asked me how to get into heaven. Of course I knew the answer, but I always seemed to get nervous because I didn't want to be wrong. But I told them "Believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins." I could go on about it too. "He's the only way to heaven." "I can't get to heaven on my own." etc. But it was all head knowledge. I never really believed with my heart what I was saying and I certainly didn't live like I knew that either.
One day my Mom, my brother, and I were driving back from a bible study and they were discussing the book of Revelation and demons and such. I was 8 years old. It was dark. And we were driving through a forest. Needless to say that I was scared out of my mind. I would look up in the trees as we drove by and felt...evil. In the air. Darkness. When we finally got home I rushed inside because I felt so afraid; I just wanted to be in the comfort of my home. I wanted the wrenching fear to leave me alone. When we got inside I remember just bursting into tears and my mom came and asked what was wrong. I told her everything about how I was afraid of demons and the dark. She told me that God was stronger than demons and if He was on my side I didn't need to be afraid of them. So she asked me if I had accepted Jesus yet. I said I didn't know but I was willing to if it would take away the fear. So she held my hands and told me to repeat to God what she said; and we prayed.
When I opened my eyes from praying...my life was changed forever. When I opened my eyes the fear was gone. The pressure and the panic...it was gone. I felt new. God took the fear away and in that moment I received the Holy Spirit. That moment was a game changer. I remember my older brother being so proud of me. He told our AWANA director who then gave Shane a bracelet to give to me that said "Jesus Loves Me" on it to congratulate me. He practically told the whole church.
That was truly the moment I got saved. Jesus became real to me. He redeemed me. I became His. But after awhile I began to fall away a bit. But when I was 10 that all changed. You guys know about that part. When I read Lightsabers for the first time, God spoke to me. He really put a deep desire in my heart. Ever since then He has been working in me and molding me to be the woman He wants me to be.
Today I'm just taking some time to reflect on that. I want to kind of bring it back in and focus. Fear was the thing that drove me to God. I've always dealt with it. The devil always attacks me with it. Especially recently. But when I'm afraid, it should lead me to Christ. This blog probably wouldn't be here had I just toughed it out on my own that Monday night 8 or so years ago. If God hadn't interceded and reached out to me. That night He pulled me out of the darkness I was living in and made me new. Sometimes I don't think I've done all I can. I feel like because I haven't ever led anyone to Christ that I'm failing. I just want to know if I've ever affected someone and never known it. Every time I send a message to a hurting person on Tumblr, or email someone, or smile at a stranger, or write a letter...I wonder if it matters. But even if I don't see the results, I keep doing what God has placed on my heart to do.
Every day I pray for big things for this blog and even though most days I feel like no one even reads this, I know God wants me to do this. To continue my ministry and praying for people and just simply being a light. I always wish I could do more. Every day I strive to do bigger things. Recently I have felt God moving in me. I don't want to settle for just OK. I want God to use me to change lives. I don't want to live in fear, I want to be audacious. And to be grateful for every day I have, and not upset when God says its over. I want to inspire people with this blog. So I thank God for every single one of you who has stuck around for however long. For those of you who have been reading since the beginning, thank you for dealing with everything and for your continual support. And for you newbies, here's to 100 more crazy and (hopefully) inspiring posts. Strap yourselves in. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.