Wednesday, March 30, 2016

For When You Hate Yourself

   I know how hard it can be. I know sometimes the person that criticizes you the most is oftentimes yourself. You can have days or weeks or months or years  when you hate yourself. I've been there, done that, bought the tshirt. And it sucks. It's possibly the worst possible thing in the world to look in the mirror or remember things you've done and just think you're worthless. No one else can know the battles you face to love yourself but we've all gone through similar things and I wanted to encourage you. Because you're so beautiful. Your mind is beautiful and your body and your soul. Ever part about you is beautiful. That's terribly hard to remember. So on days that you hate yourself, remember this okay? You never have to stay in self hate. There are things you can do. I wanted to share some things I've learned that have helped me and continue to help me.

   Remember that you are never as ugly as you think you are. The way you see you is not the way other people see you. So while you may see yourself as this worthless creature, others see you as a light in their life. I know people have said this before, but you haven't seen yourself when you're in love or when you're drinking coffee or seeing your favorite movie. You can't see the look in your eyes. A camera can't capture that. Nothing can. But those people around you see that look and it can melt hearts. When you look at you, you see your flaws. Your eyes are immediately drawn to the way your stomach sticks out or your back looks funny or your face is too round. But those people around you don't see that. They see how happy you are. They look at you and see someone they love. They remember memories of you. They don't notice how "bad" you look. They only notice you.

   Self hate can come in phases and it's okay to be stuck. Did you get that? It's okay. You don't have to be superwoman. You're allowed to tell your friend that you're struggling. The journey to loving yourself isn't a straight path. It has bumps and curves and obstacles. You won't be king of the hill every time. You need to learn to have grace for yourself when you hate yourself. But while you hate yourself now, you will not always hate yourself. Keep telling yourself that this too shall pass. The feelings of insecurity and doubt will not always linger there. You will not always look in the mirror with disgust. You will not always feel the way you do right now.

   Go for a walk or a bike ride or run. Just clear your head and get out. Don't let those lies marinate in your mind. Get rid of them. Talk to someone if you have to. Sometimes all it takes it getting the words out of your mouth to also get them out of your mind. Write in a journal or pray. Get those words out somehow. Because the longer they sit inside of you the longer they will continue to hurt you. Words can destroy you, but they can also heal you. Healing requires you be honest with yourself about the state you're in. In order to take the power from those thoughts, you have to acknowledge that they are there. This does not make you a failure. It makes you a human. Welcome to the club, there's like, 7 billion of us. And pretty much, we're all as insecure as you.

   Put on your favorite clothes. Whether that be a sweater and shorts or a dress. Whatever your outfit is. Wear it. Remember why you love it so much. Remember that you look hot in that outfit. Do your hair and put on some makeup. There are so many negative things said about makeup but I think it can help so much when you're struggling with self image. A little eyeliner and mascara can do wonders for you. This doesn't mean you're being fake. It means you just need a little pick me up. It's a slight reminder that you're beautiful. Sometimes it takes wearing a bit of makeup to realize you're beautiful without it too. I'm sure that made no sense but to me, it works.

   Eat a smoothie and drink some water. Have something that doesn't hurt your stomach or make you feel sick. Eat delicious and nutritious food. Try some greek yogurt or make something with an avocado. Go cook something. Make it all healthy too. Have fun. Try out that Pinterest recipe you pinned but never made. Remember that food is not your enemy. Don't restrict. Don't binge. Don't engage in unhealthy eating habits. Food is your friend. Food is nourishment.

   Block accounts on social media that trigger you. That person on Facebook that you love but is constantly posting about how healthy they are? That Instagram chick you constantly compare yourself to? Don't subscribe to their feed. Unfollow them. Know your triggers. Obviously we can't live in a trigger free world but don't purposefully trigger yourself. If you're having a bad self image day, don't go stalking your model friend's Instagram. It's so easy to follow into the trap of self comparison. Sadly, social media can make that worse. Stay off of it for a day if you need to. Take a mental health day from the Internet. Instead, go do things you love. Take pictures of the sunrise or talk with a friend or hug your pet.

   And darling, don't punish yourself. God created you to look like you. Don't think that if only you were thinner than you would be happy because that's just not true. People that have your dream body are still insecure. You will never be perfect. Accept your imperfections. That's something that's said a lot but never actually embraced. You have flaws and that's okay. Please don't hurt your body or your mind because you have convinced yourself that you will never be good enough.

   And don't forget to smile.

   You are so freaking beautiful. I love you. I hope that some day you will learn to love yourself. Be patient with yourself, alright?

   Stay strong gorgeous.

Friday, March 18, 2016

Spring Break And Stuff

Happy spring break! Unless you had your spring break some other time, in which case, I'm sorry. But spring break has officially kicked off for me, since I got out of my last class for the week earlier today. I've been brainstorming blog topics but I kinda came up empty handed, but I promised I would blog during my break to let you guys know I'm alive. (I feel like every other post I do is a "hey I'm still a thing!" post.)


  I thought about talking about my characters or my novel but it always feels weird. It's not something I talk about on here and I'm not sure why that is. I also thought about talking about art but I realize I do that a lot. I've also said almost the exact same thing before. Oh well. Once I decide to share or not,  I will.

   I guess since I can't write because of writers block, I shall make a list. Of things I'm excited for and working on this spring break as well as things coming up.

   -writing the 3rd draft of '14 nanowrimo
   -binge watching Mr. Robot with dayle
   -getting ready for my thyroid biopsy on good friday
   -trying to find some books to read (recommendations anyone??)
   -attempting to understand the relationship between who I am as an artist and to who I am as a Christian
   -likewise, thinking over why there aren't any known believers in surrealism photography
   -thinking about art too much
   -comparing myself to other people even though I know I shouldn't
   -being insecure about my photography
   -trying to take it easy because I think my lupus is doing things
   -being excited for Captain America: Civil War
   -oh yeah I redesigned my blog to fit my personality more
   -being obsessed with Marina And The Diamonds and Halsey
   -waiting to get my jumper from theatre club at my school (it has my last name on it and everything!)
   -talking politics apparently??? I know. who have I become.
   -finishing Tina Fey and Felicia Day's books. (they were rad.)

I had to include that selfie. Because my models really aren't scary. They're little cuties.

Plus, the story Diana created in pictures. 


   Are you guys on spring break? How have you all been? I've been doing my best to catch up on reading your blogs and commenting. I'm getting better at it.

   May the Force be with you.