So being a part time mom at my age is pretty difficult, especially when my siblings still see me as Faith Their Older Sister and not Faith The One Who Will Ground You If You Disobey. They have a habit of not taking my authority seriously. There are times when I just want to make them stay in their beds all day so I can sleep or scream at them because they just can't get the concept of "we don't hit" through their heads. I almost lose it when Izzy's diaper has exploded or Lois is demanding that someone play Barbie's with her or when the front room still isn't clean after I told Anakin to do it a million and one times or when Gordon gives me his sass and can't seem to stay focused on school. There are times my veins bulge out of my neck and my already scratchy voice rides on the edge of disappearing altogether.
But there are good days as well. Like when Noah makes a bottle for Izzy or Gordon asks if I need help or Anakin gets his school work done before I'm even awake or Lois and Ryne get along perfectly. There are nights like last night. Nights where no one yells and we all eat together and everyone actually eats the dinner I made and then I attempt to make popcorn over the stovetop but burn it so we end up making a few bags of it in the microwave and sit on the mattress we have in our living room because we don't own a couch and just watch Star Wars. Those are good days. I try to make every day like that. It takes a lot of effort to stay calm when your house look like a tornado shot through it and you can't clean it alone because while yes, you live here, you don't know where the kids toys belong. I find myself wanting to hide in my room and forget my responsibilities or get really angry at my dad who put me in this next to impossible situation. But we always make it through.
I need to remember that I can't expect myself to be a perfect mom or perfect babysitter or perfect big sister. I'm only human and heck, I'm only a teenager. It's a learning process. Experienced mom's have trouble with this sort of thing; I shouldn't expect to have a perfect day every day. If there is one thing I've learned through this, its that sometimes we get huge burdens; sometimes its unfair that they were given to us, but that doesn't mean we should give up. The world might think us too weak to carry it, but God knows we can do it. He would never give us something we weren't strong enough to deal with. And while we may be too weak in of ourselves, He is stronger and He is in us. And the best part of this is, at the end of the day I get to go back to being just regular Big Sister Faith. Plus at this rate, by the time I'm a mom for real, I'll already be a pro. You're welcome Future Husband.