That day the whole pressure of what I had committed to finally dawned on me. And yes, I cried. I was suddenly jerked awake to some hard to face realities. Like, 1. I would now have a giant target on my back. People who are doing God's will get attacked by the enemy often. And as the Jedi Kyp Durron once said "Those who do good often have many enemies." That scared me a bit. 2. I realized how serious this role was. Of course I had always taken my role seriously but like...woah. I'm just going to leave it at that. And 3. I knew I couldn't afford to be insecure about anything. I had to know my position and know who I was in Christ. I needed to know that He is my firm foundation. Because if I doubt for a second, the devil could use it against me. I can't wonder that "Hmm, maybe I'm not strong enough for this position." or "I am not equipped enough to help these people." No. There is no room for that kind of thinking here.
That reminded me of Matthew 14:22-36. When Jesus walks on the water. When Peter saw Him out on the waves, he wanted to go and be with Him. So he did. He began walking on the water towards Jesus. But he saw the waves and became afraid, and he started to sink. Jesus helped him up and they got to the boat and Jesus asked why he had doubted. A guy from my youth group did a talk on this story and it was probably one of my favorites that he's done. He pointed out that in verse 30 it says that Peter saw the waves and became afraid. When his focus was on Jesus, he was able to stand. But the second he looked around to see the storms, he sank.
I can't look around at all the possible waves that could hit me right now, my focus needs to be on Jesus. I can't worry about the what ifs and all that. I need to know that I can walk on these waves and I can do this. I'm learning to recognize what things are reasonable worries and things I should think about and try to fix, and the things that are just lies from the enemy trying to make me back down.
Of course all of this had to remind me of some geeky thing right? Yes! I'm not sure why but I was reminded of this scene. Because when the devil tries to attack me, he best be aware that this is what will happen...