What an amazing weekend. I just got back from winter camp and it was great. I had really been craving some time to get away. I love the country and wide open spaces and looking out onto miles of fields or trees. It was incredible and freeing. Of course, the second I come home its like BAM! Stress! I got triggered at youth group again and then I come home and realize I might have left my camera somewhere at camp or in the van or it might have fallen out of my pocket while I was walking around outside. That camera, as well as being my lifeline, also had a ton of amazing pictures from the weekend I wanted to share with you guys. Please pray that I find it.
I loved this weekend and I was super nervous about going too, but I actually enjoyed myself. I let go of all my struggles for a while and just had fun; and now being home I feel it all coming back. I should have expected it but it kind of took me aback. I thought we were done with this whole "scaring Faith away from church" crap. But apparently not.
The speaker was amazing and he told his mind blowing awesome testimony and he did so very honestly and bluntly, which I loved and needed. But my favorite part of the weekend was Saturday night when my friend, Maddi, and I went out to play broomball. But no one showed up. So it was just us two on a frozen lake. It was late at night, like 11 o'clock, and there was one giant light that illuminated the lake, plus there was a fire going on the lake. The fire was set up at the end of the dock, so it was in an area with deep water. There was no noise other than the fire crackling and there was a light snowfall. We walked out onto the lake and just stood there and stared. "I feel infinite." Maddi spoke my mind exactly. It was just like Charlie from The Perks Of Being A Wallflower. It was the perfect moment. I was walking on water. I remembered back to the summer when I had gone "blobbing" (as we call it.) and had fallen off and got my foot caught on a rope under the water and could have drowned; yet now, here I was, walking on that same water that almost took my life; and I walked across it like it was concrete. It reminded me of the song Oceans, which we had sung that night. "You call me out upon the waters; the great unknown where feet may fail. And there I find you in the mystery. In oceans deep my faith will stand." I'm also slightly afraid of walking on frozen lakes because I'm afraid of it breaking and then drowning. But I walked and wasn't afraid.
After walking around for a while we sat down by the fire and a guy came and sat with us. Then two of our cabin mates joined us and we all sat around the fire with hot chocolate and cookies and we made jokes and laughed and just lived. We built snowman and told stories of other times up at camp and other weird and random things. There I was with three people I had just met over the summer and I talked and laughed with them and I wasn't nervous or afraid. I joined in on the conversation and didn't feel awkward at all. It was perfect. All weekend I was waiting for a "Aha!" moment, and I finally got it.
There was one more lesson God has been teaching me.
It's all good. Everything that has happened to me, all the people that have hurt me, all the trials...it's all for my good. God always has my best interest at heart. That's so crazy to think about. God was thinking of me when he let my dad leave, God was thinking of me when he allowed fear into my life, He was thinking of me when he let my friend walk out of my life; He was always thinking of me. I can't even imagine how those things are for my good, but I know I will someday. One day I'll look back on all this and see how He was protecting me, and saving me for something better. Because God only wants to absolute best for me; and when I demand my own way I'm demanding second best. So why settle for less when God is saving you for greater things?
I don't think I could write about every great thing that happened at camp or all the things I learned, or even about all the struggles I'm facing now that I'm home again, but I do know that God has a lot planned for me and I will have faith and trust in Him. I also know that He's telling me to do some things that will be hard for me; have faith, preach the word, and forgive. Fear is attacking and so are many other things but I will be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might; not by my own. I would appreciate prayers for me in all of theses areas, and let me know how I can pray for you. I also want to know what God has been teaching you!
"Be still and know that I am God."-Psalm 46:10