I Might Be Going Crazy
Lately I've felt like God has been calling me to do something crazy; and the even crazier thing is, I've actually had the courage to answer the call. I honestly don't know where all this insane courage has come from. Yesterday I was taking the train with my best friend and we randomly went up to someone and asked if they knew Jesus and we were then able to witness to them, and I talked to a new family I saw at church, and I talked to people at camp, and I randomly messaged someone that I was praying for them, and I went to the mall and let myself be free and happy like a kid in a candy store. It occurred to me that after years of begging for courage, God has finally granted it to me. It was totally out of the blue, and I am both so excited and terrified by it. I'm not used to being bold and audacious, but it was about dang time I started to be. A lot of things have fallen apart in my life and I've been hurt a lot, and it really is true then when the world brings you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray; because I have been broken and now I finally see that this life isn't about me and life is too short to spend it worrying about the opinions of others and how other people see me. I don't want to live like that anymore. I want to give. I want to be known as someone who just gave and didn't ask for anything in return. My motto has always been "Love without limits." That's what I want to do. Love my enemies, pray for those who persecute me. That's the kind of person I want to be, because that was the kind of person Jesus was. When He calls, I want to follow without hesitation or doubts or questions. God gives and God takes away; but I want to know, really know, that God always has my best interest in mind. Everything that He allows is for my good. I want to love Him with my whole heart and have no other gods before Him.
Now onto what I really came on here to say.
I decided to shave my head.
Yes you read that right. I'm buzzing all my hair off. It was weird, you see, I randomly felt God calling me to do it, which is a really odd thing for God to tell someone to do. I kinda just asked pondered over the matter, not too much though. Then it came up again when someone jokingly said I should go bald, and I told them I was seriously considering it. Then it came up again. And again. And again. I talked it over with my mom and best friend and a few others and they all said I should do it, and my little brother even said he would do it with me. I decided to take one day of prayer and I read my bible and asked God about it even though I was fairly certain this was what I wanted to do. I told my mom that I was scared because my hair was my favorite part about myself and she said "maybe that's why God wants you to do it; to show that you would give up your favorite part of yourself just because He asked you to." That was the thing that sealed the deal. I went into my room and read the story of Abraham and Issac and how when he was called to kill his son, he didn't even hesitate or ask why; he just went out the next day to do what he was told to. That's one of my favorite stories because of the tremendous amount of faith he showed. In a sermon I heard once that God knew Abraham could do it, He knew he had faith, but Abraham didn't. Abraham didn't know how far he would go for God; not until that day.
Today I decided to go for it. I'm doing it with St. Baldricks and I'm going to donate my hair and I'm also going to raise money for cancer research. I'm actually really excited. Nervous, but excited. I'm going to miss my hair a lot and I'm sure I'll get super insecure a lot of days but faith isn't easy. I think I've come to a point where I don't care anymore. I don't care what people think, I don't care if I'm standing alone or if people walk out of my life or if I look stupid or people hate me; if it's just going to be God and I so be it. At least I know He's got my back. I am still hurting, but I'm not going to suffer. I refuse to sit around and cry over my life when I have a job to do. This is by far the craziest thing I've ever done, and I know I'll be proud when I do it; and even better, I know God will be proud. I'm doing something with my life. Today on the radio I heard a single line from a song and I think it was by Mathew West but I'm not positive; it said something like "God why haven't you done anything? 'I did. I made you.'" I thought that was just perfect. We complain that God never does anything but there's a reason He made you and what if that's it?!
Now here's where you come in! I'm challenging you; donate to this cause. Come support me and my brothers who are shaving our head for cancer patients and cancer research. I don't care if you can only give a dollar; perfect! Give 50 cents, I don't care.But anyone can help someone and I'm giving you the chance to make a difference. I'm doing it in honor of a boy I've blogged about many times, Silas Edenfield, who passed away from cancer last May, and for Ellie, a little girl I met on my missions trip last summer who also recently passed away. Do it for them. For their families and for other people who have lost someone to cancer or to people who are fighting it.
Or if you're crazy too, come shave your head with us!
THIS IS THE LINK to donate to my team, The Sea Turtles. Or goal is to raise $200; come help us reach this goal and strive towards the cure to cancer!
(The phrase I've been repeating to myself for the past 4 months.)