"Cry Quietly" - A Poem
people don't like me because I never learned to cry quietly
when I cry, I sob
I sniffle
I scream in pain
sometimes I even whisper to myself
when I cry I wear my grief like a badge over my heart
everyone knows when I am sad
because I have never shied away from making it known
I don't hold back my tears when I'm on the bus
not even when the old man across the aisle is staring at me
with a concerned expression
because his expression tells me he is more concerned about
his peace being disturbed than he is about my wellbeing
I don't hold back my tears when I'm with friends
and supposed to be having a good time
I don't care that you're not supposed to cry over ice cream
I don't hold back my tears at the movie theater
and I don't care that I'm getting the popcorn wet
people don't like me because I refuse to act happy when I am not
my boss hates this about me
my friends are burdened by this
my church pretends to love my authenticity but sometimes I wonder
if it would be better if I took my tears elsewhere
see, my tears are a loaded gun
hurting everyone around me
my tears are all the words that don't fit nicely into poems
and sometimes they need to be shared without thinking of the casaulties
sometimes I need people who are willing to take the bullet for me
I've taken it alone too many times
I will not cry quietly
I will not soften myself because my pain makes you uncomfortable
my tears are the water that will help me to grow
I will not put my pain in a box inside myself
and I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry that I never learned to cry quietly
I have learned that my tears do not make me weak
they don't always make me stronger
but they always make me softer
every tear shed on public transportation reminds me to lay down my pride
and weep for those who cannot
and every time I see someone cry
my empathetic tears remind me to show them grace
never learning to cry quietly doesn't always make me the most likeable person
but somehow
it always makes me a better one
when I cry, I sob
I sniffle
I scream in pain
sometimes I even whisper to myself
when I cry I wear my grief like a badge over my heart
everyone knows when I am sad
because I have never shied away from making it known
I don't hold back my tears when I'm on the bus
not even when the old man across the aisle is staring at me
with a concerned expression
because his expression tells me he is more concerned about
his peace being disturbed than he is about my wellbeing
I don't hold back my tears when I'm with friends
and supposed to be having a good time
I don't care that you're not supposed to cry over ice cream
I don't hold back my tears at the movie theater
and I don't care that I'm getting the popcorn wet
people don't like me because I refuse to act happy when I am not
my boss hates this about me
my friends are burdened by this
my church pretends to love my authenticity but sometimes I wonder
if it would be better if I took my tears elsewhere
see, my tears are a loaded gun
hurting everyone around me
my tears are all the words that don't fit nicely into poems
and sometimes they need to be shared without thinking of the casaulties
sometimes I need people who are willing to take the bullet for me
I've taken it alone too many times
I will not cry quietly
I will not soften myself because my pain makes you uncomfortable
my tears are the water that will help me to grow
I will not put my pain in a box inside myself
and I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry that I never learned to cry quietly
I have learned that my tears do not make me weak
they don't always make me stronger
but they always make me softer
every tear shed on public transportation reminds me to lay down my pride
and weep for those who cannot
and every time I see someone cry
my empathetic tears remind me to show them grace
never learning to cry quietly doesn't always make me the most likeable person
but somehow
it always makes me a better one
I think it's brave to not hide your emotions. We've all learned to hide it.
ReplyDeleteYou're brave, Faith!
This is so beautiful. <3
ReplyDeleteI have the opposite problem, and have a hard time opening up to people. This year has been a year of me learning that it's okay to cry in front of people, it shows that you are human and fragile, which isn't always a bad thing.
Great poem. <33
It's OK to be human and to show raw, real, emotion. I think that's what Jesus was all about when He came to earth - authenticity.
ReplyDeleteNot fake.
Beautiful poem!
ah, faith.
ReplyDeleteyour tears are powerful- and though you may often feel as if they are a loaded gun that hurt those around you, their power also resonates in many other ways. think about the emotions we feel when we see someone crying around us. it awakens our humanity. even if we don't always know what to do. what do say. how to respond. many times, our heart aches just a little. it brings us into the uncomfortable. and that- THAT'S the power. because it's hard to to move people away from what "feels good", "feels safe". and your vulnerability can remind our hearts that like to pretend they're invincible, that in fact, we all are human. we all feel pain.
i, too, find freedom in emotions.
i was lead on a journey that taught me that grieving is a gift.
that releasing pain is the sweetest treasure because it allows us to breathe deeply and freely again.
keep crying.
keep feeling.
keep pouring your rawness into the world.
it's needed.
it's noticed.
it's powerful.
I really get this. I struggle with depression and it's really hard for me to hide my sadness. The line about the boss really got me because I've actually been written up for looking too sad.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is so perfect! I understand you. I don't do 'small emotions' I am who I am and shouldn't hide it. Recently I also wrote about this topic. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteI enjoy your beautiful words.