What Does Christmas Mean? (For People Like Me)

   Christmas. 

The time of joy and carols and of peace. The time where those who are recipients of God's grace rejoice in hallelujah's and songs of praise. 

Christmas is a time of laughter and happiness.

But what does Christmas mean for people like me?

What does it mean for me in the midst of my depression 

and my doubt?

What is it for my heavy heart

that breaks more and more every day?

What is it's significance during my bouts of insomnia

where my tears don't stop falling

and my fears don't stop growing?

What is Christmas about for those who have lost loved ones?

For those who are struggling to keep their head

above the rising waters?

For those who are sick?

For those who are being oppressed and persecuted?

 What is the point of the birth of a baby to those who 's only desire

is death?

Where does Christmas fit in our hearts?

Is it next to the idols?

To the addictions?

To the alcohol?

Would Christmas fit in the space that once held the piece of my heart that I gave away?

We celebrate God incarnate but where is God now?

What the hell does Christmas mean for people like me

whose pain is so significant 

they can barely breathe?

Whose prayers aren't answered

whose trials keep continuing? 

During Christmas we say rejoice! We say hallelujah! 

But what about those whose hurt runs so deep

they can't offer a single utterance

of praise  to the King?

If Christmas is for the joyous, than where do the exhausted fit in the equation?

What does Christmas mean in the midst of suffering?