Saturday, December 24, 2016

What Does Christmas Mean? (For People Like Me)

   Christmas. 
The time of joy and carols and of peace. The time where those who are recipients of God's grace rejoice in hallelujah's and songs of praise. 
Christmas is a time of laughter and happiness.
But what does Christmas mean for people like me?
What does it mean for me in the midst of my depression 
and my doubt?
What is it for my heavy heart
that breaks more and more every day?
What is it's significance during my bouts of insomnia
where my tears don't stop falling
and my fears don't stop growing?
What is Christmas about for those who have lost loved ones?
For those who are struggling to keep their head
above the rising waters?
For those who are sick?
For those who are being oppressed and persecuted?
 What is the point of the birth of a baby to those who 's only desire
is death?
Where does Christmas fit in our hearts?
Is it next to the idols?
To the addictions?
To the alcohol?
Would Christmas fit in the space that once held the piece of my heart that I gave away?
We celebrate God incarnate but where is God now?
What the hell does Christmas mean for people like me
whose pain is so significant 
they can barely breathe?
Whose prayers aren't answered
whose trials keep continuing? 
During Christmas we say rejoice! We say hallelujah! 
But what about those whose hurt runs so deep
they can't offer a single utterance
of praise  to the King?
If Christmas is for the joyous, than where do the exhausted fit in the equation?
What does Christmas mean in the midst of suffering?



2 comments:

  1. <3 this line: "What the hell does Christmas mean for people like me / whose pain is so significant / they can barely breathe?" dude. I felt that in an almost visceral way.

    This Christmas was the first year in ages where I felt emotionally and physically stable, but because it'd been so long since I felt healthy and alive around this season of hope and happiness, I wasn't sure how to feel about anything. Things like this cling to you, even after you've started down the road to recovery. so yeah. I like this a lot.

    love you, and thank you for writing this. <3

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  2. This is beautiful and important and lovely, in a very real and painful way. Thank you for writing it.

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