Yesterday was my last game day at Wrigley, which went by in a very bittersweet way. This summer has been the best one of my life; no exaggerations. I've found myself saying that a lot. Each thing I do is the best thing I've ever done, but so is everything else. I love that even though I cry a lot, my heart is filled with joy. My life hasn't changed in the sense that my circumstances are any different, but my perspective has shifted dramatically. I still get triggered, but I handle it. I still get anxious, but I try to look past the moment. I still cry, but I know I won't cry forever. Bad things still happen, but they don't have an effect on the good things.
I have learned to live, and I think that's really important.
I have had so many beautiful moments the past few months and I wish I could record every single one of them to remember them forever, but I couldn't possibly keep up. I am so excited that I have found a life I am in love with. A life so beautiful I forget to take pictures and I forget to journal about it. I have fallen in love with art again and seen so much of it lately and felt it in my chest again. I forgot how much I love those little things. I am sketching for the first time since middle school. I'm taking photos. I'm writing and creating worlds in my mind again. I have been stepping out of my comfort zone lately; acting more like who I want to be and less like who I used to be. I am actively moving forward.
I loved getting to go downtown and take pictures of my brother propose to his girlfriend. I loved seeing an art expedition with my best guy friend. I love all the great music I've been listening to. I love watching the Cubs play and actually do well. I love watching movies and reading books and spending time with people I care about. I love buying cute mugs and watching sunsets. So far, I love being 20. I'm not sure if you understand what its like to constantly live in fear, but I do, and now I'm free from that. It's incredible. So much has changed for me and I couldn't be happier.
It gets better you guys. I promise.
Songs I currently adore:
How Do I Tell A Girl I Want To Kiss Her - Brendan Lukens
Fine, Great - Modern Baseball
Is There Somewhere? - Halsey
If I Tremble - Front Porch Steps
Peach - The Front Bottoms
Obstacle 2 - Interpol
Sixteen - Real Friends
Stolen Dance - Milky Chance
Undercover Martyn - Two Door Cinema Club
Walking On A Dream - Empire Of The Sun