2014

   I used to be afraid of the new year. A new year meant change. And change was something I just didn't do. It would only remind me that "life was passing by" and "I was growing up." But I think it was last year where I decided I wasn't going to do that anymore. Instead, I developed a new perspective. I began to think of how incredible it was that God had granted me another year of life. I don't deserve to live this amazing life, but God blessed me with it, and for that I am eternally grateful.

   Now, I hadn't even planned on doing a new years post but last night I was thinking about all the things I did in 2014 and I realized that this was a great year for me. I have grown so much; more than I have in a long, long time. So I wanted to share with you all the things that happened or things I did in 2014; both good and bad. Now without further ado, here is my list.

   -Dyed my whole head of hair purple/black
   -Shaved my head
   -Got diagnosed with lupus
   -Reached my goal of reading 50 books. (I actually read 57.)
   -Completed my second year of NaNoWriMo
   -Felt like I belonged at camp for the first time
   -Went on a life changing missions trip
   -Went to Warped Tour for the first time
   -Lived 7 months without my best friend (although she gets back in 10 days so I haven't actually done that yet.)
   -Overcame my shyness
   -Turned 18
   -Met 2 internet friends
   -Sold 30 RAIM shirts
   -Found joy
   -Started eating better
   -Dyed my whole head of hair pink

   This year started off really rough for me honestly. I was re-reading my journal of this year and I remember how sucky it was at the beginning. But things started to turn around after I shaved my head. I think that was when I had my Shift. That was the day I became myself. I look back on that and I see why God wanted me to do it. Its so weird how doing something like changing your hair can make such a difference. For me, it really did change everything. One thing I've been doing recently is editing pictures of myself where I put two of them side by side to compare them. Well, I found pictures of me from last year and me from this year, and me in 2013 vs. me in 2014. And its interesting how I associate the long blonde hair with sadness and no hair/short hair with joy. Because me at the beginning of the year I was insecure about how I looked, struggling with shyness, and trying to deal with the fact that this guy who I had considered one of my closest friends wasn't talking to me anymore. I was dealing with nightmares more than I ever had my entire life, as well as intense fear issues. Me now? Now I have found healing and joy and happiness. I love myself and I respect that boy enough to know it wasn't God's plan for us. I have moments of fear, but I can fight it. I now know that if I need to leave a room because its become too triggering, its not a sign of weakness. It's a sign that I respect myself enough to know I shouldn't put myself through agony like I used to.

   I did so much this year and I'm looking forward to 2015. I'm not big on resolutions really, but I do like to remind myself of my life goals. I always take time to re-evaluate and see if I'm where God wants me to be. I am still growing and working on becoming a stronger woman of God; and I know that's not something I can do in a year. But I'm looking forward to it nonetheless.

   Thank you guys for sticking with me after all this time. When I started this blog, I wasn't intending on it becoming such a big part of me or even having any followers. You guys have blown me away and make me feel so loved. Thank you for being a part of my story. I struggled a bit with feeling like I shouldn't blog anymore, but I always remembered you guys and well.I'm still on here because of it. I want to do something for you guys when I reach 100 followers....just a heads up. But yeah, THANK YOU! Here is to another insane year of learning and growing and writing and living. In the coming year I'm looking forward to hugging my best friend (which I haven't done since June,) getting a DSLR and growing in my photography, re-writing my NaNoWriMo, going to college (also petrified for that...) and simply enjoying all that God has to offer. I would encourage you to do the same. Life is so freaking beautiful you guys. Soak it up.

   Happy New Year!

   P.S
   What are your new years resolutions? How have you grown in the last year and how are you looking forward to growing further?

(My year in a song.)