Trust Me

   I have asked that you have faith.

   And listen. I did not ask you to do what was easy. I didn't ask what you had the strength to do. I didn't ask what you had the energy for or what you wanted to do. I asked if you trusted me. I asked if you trusted me as much now as you did this summer.

   I want to know if you trust me in your weaknesses as well as in your strength. I want to know if you trust me even when you don't know the answers.

   I did not ask you how much courage you possess or for how long you wanted this to last.
I did not ask how much it hurt or if you're okay.

   I asked if you trusted me.

   I know how much it hurts. I know you have not been okay for a long time. I know this pain has made you weak and how much you want it to end. I know the exact measure of strength in your bones and how much courage is in your veins. I know the exact amount of bravery needed to get through this. I know how broken you are and that you are ill equipped for this task. I  know you feel like you can't make it another day. But I did not ask that you dig up this courage from the depths of your heart or to summon energy from your weary flesh. I didn't ask you to be brave or to even have strength at all. I know I could not ask that of you. I don't require you to be okay or to smile through the pain. I didn't ask you to stand.

   I asked you to kneel.

   I asked you to trust me.

   I asked you to trust that I am still God when there is no end in sight. And I asked that you believe in me when you have lost the ability to believe in anything at all. I asked you to be still and know that I am God.

   I have asked the impossible thing.

   I have asked that you stop fighting and stop trying to make it through this. I have asked that you not measure the time in between now and then. I have asked that you give up on the idea that you can do this on your own. I have asked you to remain in your pain.

   I have asked that you have faith even when the silence is loud and I asked that you would continue to breathe when your lungs are burning. And I ask that you would trust that I did not bring you this far just to leave you here.

   I have asked that you stop trying to be God.

   I have asked that you let me carry you when your trust has run out and that you would hand over the remnants of your shattered heart. I ask that you would not be anxious and that you would stop trying so hard to fix yourself.

   I want you to let me fix you.

   I want you to trust me.

   I do not need you to have a large amount of faith. You don't need much. You need to simply acknowledge me.

   Turn to me.

   Believe that the God who created your very soul knows damn well what it needs and when it needs it and stop striving to make the pain stop and learn how to live with the pain instead.

   3 times you have come at my feet and you said "Take it away." "Take it away." "Take it away."
   And I'm so sorry love, but to you I have to say that my grace is enough.

   And whether I decide to take this burden from you or not I ask you to trust me. I ask you to believe in the words to claim to believe in. I ask that you would choose to believe that I love you and that my heart breaks along with yours. I ask that you would have faith that my compassions will never fail and that my goodness is enough to carry you through your sea of sorrows. Trust that I know what I'm doing even when you can't find the willpower to take another step. Trust that my faithfulness is greater than the extent of your suffering and that I have not forgotten about you. Not even for a moment.

   My love, I'm asking you to trust me.

   Disclaimer? i have never liked letters from God.  i would never claim to put words in His mouth. but this is something that was on my heart today and i wrote it. And i could re-write it as me saying it to you. because that's all it is. mere words i wish for you to read. things to consider. opinions, really. nothing more. but i hope you were encouraged. see, God never meant for us to have the strength in of ourselves. and im learning that He is made perfect in our weakness. and i just keep thinking of Him saying "my grace is sufficient for you." and i know that sometimes He allows us to be in pain and sometimes when we pray and ask him to take it away he says no. and sometimes you just feel like you're going to die because its too much and i also know that in these times, he is with us. i can't promise that your pain will go away because you might be in pain until you die. but i dont think the length of our trials is the point. that maybe we rush through experiences that were meant to be taken slow. pain is just pain. we can drink it away or numb it or ignore it but its still there and sometimes it doesnt get easier. and if this pain is lasting longer than you thought it would i ask you to consider Christ. and i ask you to trust him. you dont need to find strength in yourself because you and i both know you will find nothing sometimes. i only ask you to have faith. 

thats what im trying to do.